School Admissions recording summary:

Becky Reback, School Placement Advisor and Dr. Annie Josephson, Licensed Psychologist, discussed how the admissions process really works for New York area schools and how to stay grounded while navigating it. They covered:

• Year-Long Admissions Timeline: Planning starts by August 1; applications open between August and Labor Day, deadlines mostly in January.
• Weekly Time Commitment: Expect to spend five to eight hours weekly from late August to November on admissions tasks.
• Application Components: Tours assess fit; interviews require both parent and child preparation; multiple event participation helps visibility.
• Emotional Management: Parents should focus on what they can control, practice patience, and prepare for potential disappointments.
• School Recommendations Impact: Consistency in communications from current schools enhances admissions success; proactive understanding is crucial.
• Early Preparation Stress Reduction: Advance essay preparation and school listings help reduce uncertainty and allow for thoughtful applications.

Transcript:

00:00
Becky Reback:
Perfect. Okay. Hello everybody. Thank you so much for joining Annie and myself. Today we are talking about school admissions, which is a really big topic. We’re actually wrapping up last season. Everyone’s getting their acceptances and all their decisions. It’s really exciting. We have a few more age groups to go and then we’ll be all wrapped up. But we’re already looking ahead to next season and what we can do to support everyone that is going to be applying for next season. So today we’re going to talk about the admissions process and little tips and tricks that you can be aware of. And then Annie will jump in and talk about managing your emotions and how that is such an important part of the process is making sure the parents remain calm through this process, no matter what age your child is.


00:55
Becky Reback: So I am Becky Reback. I am the director of academic assessments and a school placement advisor at Evolved Education Company. I came to Evolved five and a half years ago and prior to that I taught students with language based learning disabilities and attention deficits for 10 years in both general ed and self contained schools. I’m really happy to be here today. I’ve been doing the school placement on this side of it since coming to Evolved in the fall of 2020. So I’ve been through a few CYC and definitely understand the things that are needed to go through the application process and. Oh, I’ll let you introduce yourself.

01:36
Dr. Annie Josephson:
Yeah. Hi guys. I’m Annie Josephson. I’m the owner of Uptown Psychologist. I’m a clinical psychologist on the Upper east side. I actually was also formerly a teacher. So I was at a school for children with language based learning disabilities and then went on to get my doctorate in school psychology and worked at some schools as a school psychologist in Westchester and then went on to do full time clinical work after that.

02:05
Becky Reback:
Great. Okay, so a quick poll to get everyone in the mood for admissions conversation and you can just put this in the chat and. Or you can nod and just kind of think to yourself whatever you’d like. But we just want to start by asking how you’re feeling about the school admissions process. So you can just put a one, a two or a three in the chat depending on how you’re feeling. So one is I’m ready. I’m a planner. I’m getting started early and that helps me remain calm. I’m unready to do this. Two is I’m starting to feel anxious and uncertain. I’m really concerned about the timelines. I’m really concerned about how decisions are made and the competitiveness of this process and then three is I’m really feeling the pressure. I want to make sure I get it right for my child.

02:55
Becky Reback:
And everyone else seems so informed and on track, and I have no clue what I’m doing. So if you would like, you can share how you’re feeling in the chat and just a way to think about where you are at the start of this journey and of this process. And hopefully by the end of this, you’ll feel a little bit better. And that’s also what we’re here for, to support you through. I’ll give everyone a minute. If you want to engage in the chat, you can. If not, I understand you can just think it to yourself. Okay, so this is what we can expect in our conversation today. Today we’re going to give you a quick overview of timelines and deadlines, just so you. All right. We have a one and a two. I’m excited to buy a one. That’s great. Great.

03:45
Becky Reback: 
We have a couple of twos. Awesome. Well, I’m very happy to hear all of this. I mean, you’re in a good place. Don’t worry. You’re early and we’ve got you. So we’re going to start off by doing timelines and deadlines just so you understand exactly when things are going to be happening in this process. A large part of this conversation will be about private school independent school admissions, but I do give the timeline for all the public schools as well, because often we have people that are applying to public and private at the same time. Then we’re going to do some inside tips. I will talk through what you really need to be thinking about as you go through the admissions process, and then Annie will jump in and talk about how to manage your emotions.

04:24
Becky Reback:
So that way you hopefully are successful at the end of this process. So I never start any conversation or any webinar that we do without showing you the total educational process. This is everything we think about at Evolved. It’s how we define education here. And this is the framework I’m using when I’m planning for any interactions with the school for myself and my own children or even my clients. So when you’re thinking about applying to schools, this is the framework I want to keep in the forefront of your mind. It’s how we help create the best fit school list for our clients and ensure that they’re not only gaining admissions to a school of their choice, but also are successful both academically and social emotionally, when they’re actually enrolled in the program. So when you’re thinking about the total educational process.

05:10
Becky Reback:
On one side of it, we have everything that the school can do for your child, all that the school can teach your child. On the other side of it is what home can do to support their child in conjunction with the school. And then in the middle is where everything meets and how we are going to ensure that their child is learning most optimally in whatever setting that they’re in. So I just like this image. Keep the total educational process. It is a balance between what happens at home and at school. And that is going through the actual application process is no exception to that. Okay, so this is the admissions timeline for independent schools. You can see it’s a really long process if you allow yourself the time to have the full amount of time.

05:56
Becky Reback:
It really does start now and goes all the way through next February or March. And it’s a truly a year long process. Starting now is amazing. And we’re so happy when people start now because they can make a school list. They’re not rushing through decisions. They get to go on spring tours. And then applications do start opening August 1st. They open anytime between August 1st and Labor Day. And we just have to kind of check each school. Nobody makes it easy. So we always say like, make sure you’re checking each school’s website and the admissions portals. And they starting August 1st. And that’s when you’re going to go through the application. Start the application, fill out all your biographical information. You are going to start thinking about your parent statements and your and what your child might have to do.

06:47
Becky Reback:
And then September and October you’re signing up for tours. You’re maybe going on some tours in October. The child might be completing some assessments. November and December, you are making sure all of your materials are starting to be turned in. You might be taking standardized tests, submitting any supplemental materials. January is when full applications are due. It’s right when you get back after the new year. So we always like to have everything mostly done prior to going out on December break so you don’t feel stressed over the break in January you’re really wrapping up loose ends. You might be sending those letters of interest or first choice letters and then you’re in the waiting game until March through February and the application, sorry, the different ages notify at different times. Kindergarten is the first notification, then grades one through eight.

07:36
Becky Reback:
Then we have preschool and high school notifications towards the end of the month of February. So as you can see, it is a long process, giving yourself a long leeway really Helps reduce the anxiety in the process and make sure that you’re making really thoughtful decisions for your family and for your child. This is the public school timeline. Mostly it does not line up. The only age group that it does line up is the high school for public school. They actually changed this a couple years ago. So public high school, independent high school and boarding school all notify within two weeks of each other. So families, because often at that age people are applying to all different types of schools. So families have the opportunity to hear all of their acceptances before they let the school know that they’re coming or not coming.

08:30
Becky Reback
So this is the public school timeline. When you get to high school, there is a couple of specialized tests you could take, there is admissions requirements that you might have to complete. And as I’m sure many of you know, if you’re going through the DOE process, it is a confusing process. So please don’t hesitate to reach out. There are a lot of nuances there beyond just filling out the application. So like I said, nobody makes it easy, everyone makes it different. So just we’re here to help. Okay? This is the nitty gritty of what we’re going to be talking about. So reality one when we’re going through the actual application process is we are really adding five to eight hours per week on top of your already really busy life.

09:17
Becky Reback:
And it’s really important that you are prepared for that, especially in the, I’ll call it high season of September through November, maybe even a little bit of the end of August as well. What parents most underestimate in this process is the mental load of actually going through the process we’re usually recommending. We apply to six to eight schools. And so depending on how many schools you’re applying to, you’re really going to be adding a lot of time to your week that you need to dedicate to this process. And it’s not just tasks that you’re doing. There’s emotional energy, there’s decision making, there’s managing expectations. Right. You feel overwhelmed in the process? Sometimes. Sometimes we’re unsure of what things mean. So we want to make sure that we really know what is actually going to be happening in this process.

10:07
Becky Reback:
So what are you doing in those five to eight hours a week? We’re doing regular check ins on your application portals. Right. So in the beginning we’re checking regularly because we don’t want to miss an opportunity to sign up for a tour or to sign up for an open house or some other type of event. You know, our top Tip. There is the earlier you start, the better. So if your application opens August 1st, I would get working on that application for a couple of reasons. One, often you cannot sign up for tours and assessments and all that until you have submitted a preliminary application. And two, if you start in order in which they come out, you’re not filling out six to eight applications all at one time. Right? So you feel a little bit less overwhelmed by that process.

10:53
Becky Reback:
And unfortunately, even though many applications are on the same portals, there’s no auto fill. You are filling out the same information again and again. So you want to make sure that you are staying ahead of it so you don’t lose your place in where you are. The more organized you can be, the better. Have a spreadsheet, a calendar, update it every single time you’re booking something. For my full placement clients that I support, I actually set up a separate Gmail so everything in the application goes to that Gmail and I can help monitor it so we’re not missing important pieces of information in our personal Gmails. You’re going to be writing multiple essays and it’s more than just the writing, right?

11:36
Becky Reback:
You actually have to stop and you have to think about your child, who they are, what you want to say, how you want to convey this information in the best light possible, how we’re going to discuss challenges that our children go through. Everybody goes through challenges. So and that’s okay. And we can talk about that on the application. But you need to say it in a way that lands really well. You’re going to be revising. There’s always second guessing in this process of writing. So leave yourself time for that. And we really want to make sure we’re capturing our children authentically without overselling and sort of being obnoxious about who they are. So we want to expect starts and stops in this process of the writing. And parents are actually surprised with how long this step really takes.

12:25
Becky Reback
So it is good to get ahead of it. Tours, right? Tours are not just about seeing the classrooms. It’s about listening to the language the schools are using and noticing if your child might fit in socially and will fit in academically. Parents often leave tours super energized and really excited about a school. Or you might leave feeling really confused, which is a very normal part of narrowing your list, which is why we say especially starting now and you can get on spring tours and maybe narrow that list down before you have to go through the applications in the fall. Of course, there are interviews that are involved in the process, the parents need to interview, the students need to interview. You know, we need to prepare our children. We need to manage our own nerves.

13:07
Becky Reback:
Often we’re thinking about those conversations that we had afterwards. Oh, I should have said this. I didn’t. Why didn’t I say that? Of course we’re worrying about how our child is actually presenting in the interview as well. And then there’s community events, right. So there’s. This is a lot of stuff and it’s happening every week for multiple schools. So there’s open houses, curriculum nights, other invitations to engage in their school community so you can get to know the school that you are applying to. We do recommend, if it’s a top choice school, you attend as many events as humanly possible, get your face in front of them so they know who you are and they pop up quickly.

13:43
Becky Reback:
And often they’re sending an email being like next week we have an open house and you have to suddenly change your calendar around to do that. So, you know, as you can see, five to eight hours a week. It’s a lot of moving parts to manage. Second reality of this process is that mission alignment and the way you are.

14:06
Dr. Annie Josephson:
Can I pause you? Do you want to answer the question in the chat now? I’m monitoring the chat or because it relates to reality one, or do you want to answer it at the end?

14:15
Becky Reback
I see it.

14:17
Dr. Annie Josephson:
Sorry to cut you off.

14:18
Becky Reback:
No, no, it’s great. I’m happy to engage. How many nights per week after work should we expect to attend? Or is it all during the day? So the schools have actually gotten better about doing events in the evening. Often they’ll start at 6:30 or 7:00′, clock, which makes it a lot easier for working parents. I would say sometimes it’s two events a week, sometimes it’s one. I would say one to three events a week in the very high season. Mary, I see you nodding. Would you agree with that? Okay, thank you. And the next question was, how can we start working on application questions now if they open in August? So when, if you sign on and work with me or any of my colleagues in a full capacity, we have a bank of questions that we help. It gets you thinking.

15:12
Becky Reback
So that way, when the application’s already actually open, you have all your ideas sort of fleshed out and then you just plug and play and we edit based on what they’re specifically asking. But most of the time the questions don’t change all that much from year to year. So we can kind of get the ball rolling prior to August applications opening. And it’s nice to have the writing done. So that way when you’re. When the application actually opens and you know the questions, you can just sort of fit it into what they’re asking. You’ve done the hard part of the thinking at that point. Good questions, everyone. Thank you. Definitely stop me if there’s. If there’s more. Okay, so mission alignment really matters to the school. The way that parents perform in the interview actually does matter in the process.

15:58
Becky Reback:
So it’s not just perfunctory. To interview the parents. You. You definitely need to show up in a positive way. You have to remain calm, and you have to allow space for everybody in the room to engage in the interview, including the person doing the interview. So ways that you can be really mission aligned is to know the school that you’re interviewing at, know their curriculum, understand their mission statement, be prepared to think thoughtfully about why the school fits your family and not why it’s prestigious or convenient. But, you know, a strong answer might sound like, this aligns with how our child learns best because. And you give an example or anecdote. We value the way the school approaches community learning differences, character development, whatever it is that you are super into about the school.

16:48
Becky Reback
Another way that you can be mission aligned is to actually understand the school’s expectations of the student. So this goes beyond academic ability. Schools, of course, are evaluating if the student is academically prepared for their program. But they’re also looking at social maturity. They’re looking at emotional regulation. They’re looking at resilience. If you have a kindergartener, it is okay if your child goes and cries at separation at the interview. Can they recover from that and engage in the process? It’s okay if they cry. Don’t freak out if they cry, but what’s their resilience like? Can they actually move on and then be a part of the. Of the playgroup? And they’re also evaluating the child’s readiness to meet the high expectations of the school. Right. So we see this a lot with summer birthdays. And many schools prefer students who tend to be older.

17:42
Becky Reback:
You know, June, May, April, and before that. So sometimes we, depending on your child, we have a conversation about your child’s summer birthday. And some schools truly do prioritize emotional sturdiness over, like a purely academically ready child. They feel they can teach the content if the child has the ability to learn the content in this way that the school teaches it, but they can’t manufacture maturity or resilience so that emotional stability is definitely very important in the process. Admissions committees are often asking, like, can the child thrive here socially, emotionally, and academically? So that. Don’t, don’t overlook that. So we want to make sure that we are researching and understanding the mission of the school.

18:35
Becky Reback:
We want to make sure that we are prepared to talk about how our family is aligned with the school program and also truly looking at our children and making sure that they are ready for the demands of the program and not just because you like the name of the school. A little bonus tip in the parent interview is make sure you’re leaving room for others to speak, whether it’s your partner or the person doing the interview. Some of the strongest interviews are when the parents speak a little less and they listen and they respond thoughtfully. Silence is okay, pauses are okay. And schools notice when families allow space for conversation rather than trying to control the whole conversation. And our third reality is, do you.

19:22
Dr. Annie Josephson:
Want me to cut you off for the questions or do you want to answer? Sorry, I want to cut you off at a meaningful time.

19:29
Becky Reback:
No, it’s good. Okay. So we’ve just gone through the process with preschool. The three application are the questions similar for the K process are very different. So that’s a really good question. In the preschool, they’re often thinking about, like, routines at home and early development and, you know, what type of play they like to do. By the time they get to the kindergarten process, they’re kind of looking at how are they engaging in school? What are you noticing about the development of their learning? What is important to your family in a school? Why are you applying to this particular school? So they might ask there. Of course there is some developmental type questions, but they’re really asking kind of more big picture questions.

20:16
Becky Reback:
By the time you get to the kindergarten process, and not necessarily, like, might like, granular talk about the sleep routines of your child type of question. And then what if your child has a summer birthday? What is the conversation? So it depends on your child. There are, it’s very nuanced. So there are some schools that are totally fine with it and admit summer birthdays and have no issue. There are some schools that will say, yes, go through the process, and then they’ll say to you in the end, we’re waitlisting you, we’re rejecting you, but please apply again next year. Which means they think your child is a fit, but they want their cohorts trending older or they want a little bit more maturity. And it’s not like A no forever. It’s just a no for right now.

21:05
Becky Reback:
And then there are some schools that you have to apply for, because if you don’t, if you wait another year, then they’re actually going to push you to first grade, which we obviously don’t want. And then there are some schools that their internal kind of like, secretive Cutoff is like, June 1st. Right. So it really depends on the schools you’re applying to and your child. Oh, you’re talking about an eighth grader. I thought you were talking about kindergarten. So that’s a very different ballgame. Generally after kindergarten, the birthdays are not as much of a factor for the different, you know, first and beyond, often because they’re starting to get kids from, you know, coming from public school that are a different cutoff and all of that.

21:46
Becky Reback:
So an eighth grader, I think that’s really your choice if you feel that your child would benefit from another year to mature socially or get more support academically or whatever it is. Most schools are open to that conversation, and they say, great, you can apply for eighth grade. And if you feel, no, my kid’s really ready, I’m going to apply for ninth grade, that’s usually fine at that point, too. There are a few schools that do want you to reclass. They don’t call it repeat. They call it reclassing when they. Even beyond kindergarten. And again, like, that’s just. If you work with us, we can help, you know, or you can just call over to the school and have a conversation with them about that. Yes. Thank you. Okay.

22:29
Becky Reback:
Reality three is what your current school says about your family and your child does matter. Schools are not just evaluating a single moment or interaction. They’re actually building a complete composite picture over time. Right. So everything in this process is a little puzzle piece that puts together the puzzle that is your child and your family. For the admissions team, this includes how a child is described by their current school and how recommendations are framed and how families are showing up for our interviews or tours and our communications. So what schools are really doing is they’re predicting fit. Right. No one ever knows if it’s going to be perfect, but they have an understanding of their program. If their kids are older, they have an understanding of their cohort and how your child will fit in with their current cohort.

23:21
Becky Reback:
So the schools want to understand how a child learns. They want to, and they’re gauging a lot of this from your prior school’s report. They’re trying to understand how a family partners with educators and whether Expectations on both sides are aligned. They do sometimes talk internally about family and fit, including how a child might present or how a parent engages or communicates with the current school recommendations and prior school context. They carry weight. They have. They help schools understand how your child learns and how your family might participate in their community. It’s really not about the most perfect child or the perfect family, but it is about consistency and alignment.

24:12
Becky Reback:
So if you are consistently a good partner for your school and that’s reflected in their report, that’s going to show up better than a child who on paper looks like they’re a perfect fit for a family. I’m sorry, For a school, you know when the messages across the touch points align. Right. So if the recommendations say something, and that is also proven in the interview and parent writing, maybe student writing, if they’re old enough, parent conversations, it really helps the prospective school feel confident in their decision making and their ability to say, yes, we want you as a part of our community. Mixed or conflicting signals. Something in the report that doesn’t sit right can create uncertainty, even if a child is super strong. Right. So we want to make sure that we have an understanding of what our current school might be saying.

25:09
Becky Reback:
So that could be a preschool, that could be an ongoing school, whatever it might be. I also want to reassure you that no single comment makes or breaks an application. Schools are looking for patterns. They’re looking for consistency and alignment. They’re not looking for perfection. So it’s okay if you had a bad day and blew up at the director one time. I’ve done it too. But do you go back and repair and ultimately are a good partner for the school? I’m going to pause here because it seems like there have been questions that have popped up after each slide before I let Annie there.

25:48
Dr. Annie Josephson:
There are questions. Do you want to look at them really quickly? They’re not necessarily related to what you just said. So if you want, we can hold them till the end.

25:56
Becky Reback:
Yes, let’s hold. So that way you have time and like, you have a good amount of time for you and then.

26:02
Dr. Annie Josephson:
Okay, we will.

26:03
Becky Reback:
We have lots of time in the end for questions. So don’t worry, we will get your questions answered.

26:09
Dr. Annie Josephson:
Okay, wonderful. Okay, guys. So as Becky shared, this is a really intense process that takes a long time. And it’s funny because when you were saying nobody makes it easy, I was thinking, well, you guys do. And I think that a lot of what you do is. And I, I mean that truly. Like, I have friends that have worked with your team. And just the way in which you guys help such an overwhelming process go a little bit better. And a lot of that is through the fact that, you know, you guys spread it out across months. So just a little background, too. I work a lot with anxious parents and parents in general. And so the idea of spreading things out makes, of course, any process a lot more manageable. And it is a crucial part of the success of this process.

26:59
Dr. Annie Josephson:
So not only for yourself, because we don’t want you to get to the finish line and your kids to get in and you to, like, pass out. We want you to still be able to stand, be able to celebrate and also model for your kids how to get through a difficult process. This, you know, getting into schools, whether it’s in kindergarten, whether it’s in eighth grade, whatever the, you know, time is, it’s a really difficult process. And it takes a lot of effort on your part as a parent, on your child’s part, and it greatly changes your schedule for that period of time. And it’s important that we actually model for our kids, that we can handle it, that we can get through it, that we can, you know, target something and then work towards it and also modeling disappointment. Right.

27:52
Dr. Annie Josephson:
That’s such a huge thing. And I think nowadays a lot of the challenges that parents are sharing with me is that their kids can’t handle disappointment. And there are a lot of ups and downs in this process. There’s. I’m sure Becky would share with people that she works with, like needing to miss some. Miss a school event or as you just described, like, feeling like you said one off thing in an interview. And it feels like the stakes are so high. And while they’re, you know, this is a really important process. It’s not life or death. And so we want to really share with our kids that there are going to be things that maybe we don’t do as well as we wish we could have. And that’s okay. I don’t. You’re mute. Oh, okay.

28:48
Becky Reback:
Sorry. I was looking at that. It was in the chat. But we’re going to hold that.

28:50
Dr. Annie Josephson:
No, that’s okay. Yeah, we’ll hold it. Okay. So tip one, Know what you can and cannot control. So I really talk to people a lot about identifying ways that you can get ahead to reduce anxiety and unexpected hiccups. Anxiety has two modes. People plunge forward, they attack whatever is in front of them. They try to control it, or they completely pause and really avoid. And so I talk to people about how can we approach in an effective way I don’t want someone, and I’m sure Becky would say this too, you don’t want someone to jump on August 1st or whenever the applications open and do every single thing because you’re going to burn out. And maybe your answers aren’t thoughtful and maybe you didn’t run it by someone. It’s just too much too quickly.

29:41
Dr. Annie Josephson:
Instead, we want to really be thoughtful about the process and figure out a way that we can manage our urges to jump forward and try to control. And the same thing it sounds like is really true for the interview process, right? Like managing that urge to interrupt. Oftentimes anxious people jump in. And I’m just saying anxious people because that those are a lot of people I hang out with. But people in general, this process elicits a lot of anxiety because it does feel so important. And so they might jump in and say something or not allow their partner or their child to speak or the person interviewing them. And so the ability to kind of sit back and sit with that uncomfortable sensation is so important.

30:29
Dr. Annie Josephson:
Preview and cope ahead for school interviews and disappointments so cope ahead is basically a skill from DBT therapy. DBT therapy, dialectical behavior therapy is a type of therapy and it’s focused for individuals with emotion dysregulation. And one of the skills they talk about is cope ahead. And cope ahead is basically figuring out a situation that you anticipate could potentially go in a negative way. And what strategies do you have to be more effective? So it’s a whole process where you basically list out the strategies that might help you. So for example, not getting an interview at a school that you wanted or not getting an acceptance to a school that you wanted or perhaps getting a deferral or like, you know, we’re putting you on the waiting list or whatever. What would that look like

31:19
Dr. Annie Josephson:
What are some of the thoughts that would come up? What are some of the emotions that you might experience? And then how could you we really visualize with people. How could you cope effectively with that? Disappointment is part of life and it’s people’s ability to experience disappointment and then bounce back is so important. And as Becky highlighted, you know, schools are actually looking for kids to be able to bounce back. That is something that they can’t teach them and that is something that you can definitely model for your kids in the home and you can help your kids get better at. I also talk about finding a mantra. Mantras are amazing. I have people write things down on post. Its all the time.

32:07
Dr. Annie Josephson:
I’m going to get through. This I will be able tolerate hard things, whatever it looks like for you for finding a mantra, putting it on a. Post it on the fridge, your kid can read it. It’s just kind of something to keep yourself sane during this challenging process. Because so many of these things are out of your control. You have no idea what the school thinks of you. You have no idea what information they’re getting. You know, all of these various things. Who else also, who else applied to the school that year? We have no idea. And so just being able to accept that there’s so much out of your control, but what can we handle that is within our control? And that’s really your own thoughts, actions, emotions, and urges. Okay. Checking the facts. Checking the facts is another skill from CBT.

33:04
Dr. Annie Josephson:
CBT calls it cognitive restructuring. But essentially what it is we all have thoughts all the time about different things, and many times they’re slightly distorted. They just go through our own lens and we might fall into what we call thinking traps. Thinking traps might be things like black or white thinking, predicting the future, mind. Mind reading. Sorry, I couldn’t think of that one. Mind reading. So there’s all these different ways in which our thoughts are a little bit distorted. And that’s not really an issue except when we act on those distorted thoughts. So if you go into an interview and you have the belief that the person interviewing doesn’t like you might act differently. You might not be as willing to share. You might not smile as much during the interview.

33:58
Dr. Annie Josephson:
You might even have a little bit of an attitude because for whatever reason, your mind is saying, this person doesn’t like you. And so one of the things that I do with families a lot and parents is I encourage them to check the facts. What’s actually going on? Do we have any evidence to support the information that is going through our brain? And then if we act on it, is it going to help us? I talk to people about being detectives. I’m like, gather evidence in your environment. Did that person say they don’t like you? Or do you just think that this is not a black or white process. It’s not win or lose. You know, it really is more complicated than that. And we’re also modeling, again, going back to modeling. We are modeling this for our children.

34:46
Dr. Annie Josephson:
You know, if they don’t get into A school and they end up going to B school, is that okay? Or should they view this as the biggest disappointment in their life? And just as a parent myself, we can’t make our kids happy. We can only provide Them with an environment where there is a lot of love and expectations and a lot of support when those things happen in life, which are disappointments that will happen. And so I have a lot of parents that will say to me, like, well, I need to make my kid happy and my kid really needs to get into this school. And it’s important that we check ourselves and check the facts of the situation.

35:28
Becky Reback:
I love that. I, like, need to remember that in my own life. It’s hard. It’s very hard. My. My computer is not cooperating. There you go.

35:39
Dr. Annie Josephson:
Know when you need a break. Tip three. I talk to people about this all the time about tapping out, about noticing when we’re not in a position to engage. So it might look like being more aware of when you’re snappy, when you’re irritated, and telling other people, hey, I need you to handle X, Y and Z one to three nights a week of you all attending events. That is a lot. That is a change in routine. That is a change in the amount of time that you have to do all of the various things that you need to do. And so it might look like you saying to somebody else in your household, hey, you’re on dinner for tonight. I don’t care where you order from, but I’m.

36:30
Dr. Annie Josephson:
I’m not dealing with it because I have a school event or being more lenient about what you and your family do eat for dinner that night because you’re busy and we don’t have time. Build in support when you can. Obviously we’re talking about a lot of support in our two services, but also beyond that, needing, you know, even if it’s like having a babysitter help you with the kids or asking a friend, can you pick up my kids or do this or do that, or setting up a play date for your kids or a sleepover or something that gives you a moment to do anything for yourself is so important. Or I always joke, like, getting groceries delivered, which I do every week, even though I could go, but I just need that extra time to go and pick stuff out.

37:23
Dr. Annie Josephson:
And it makes it so much easier for me in my life to be able to grocery shop at 10pm on a Saturday night on my phone. So building in that support when you can. Because I always say this to people, nobody’s going to give you an award later in life and be like, you committed the most amount of time and effort for your kids. Like, no, this is not happening. Nobody’s going to give you an award for like breastfeeding for longer or Doing more. And so you have to decide, is it within your values? Is it important to you? And how can you be a little bit more thoughtful? Because we all run out of juice. And oftentimes when we do, we turn to the people around us and we snap and we’re not so kind, and we’re modeling that for our kids.

38:09
Dr. Annie Josephson:
And it just doesn’t feel good for us to lose control. And so it’s so important during such a stressful process that really does feel. It’s a long process. It’s a marathon. And so to be thoughtful and planful about your own emotions and know what helps you and provides you with a break. For some people, it’s exercise. For other people, it’s scrolling on their phone. For other people, it’s like a shower or cooking or whatever it is, but knowing what does it for you.

38:41
Becky Reback:
I’ll say also, when you get to some of those community events, you know, obviously the interview, the tour, both parents really want to show up, but it is okay if there’s an open house or a curriculum night or something like that to. For only one of you to go. So if you’re, you know, there’s that whole analogy which. And you can 1000% speak to it more than I can. But of like, you know, you’re not always 100% in your partnership with whoever your partner is.

39:10
Dr. Annie Josephson:
Right?

39:10
Becky Reback: Like, sometimes you’re like, I’m at a 20, and they’re like, okay, I got you. I’m at an 8, 80, or vice versa. So if you’re at a 10 or a 20%, you gotta like, lean on your partner and be like, okay, you’re going to this open house tonight because we have to show our face. But I just like, I need a break. So, you know, there is a. We recommend that you both go to as much as you can, so that way you both have an understanding of the. Where you’re applying. But it’s okay if you need a break and your partner goes or something like that’s fine. Okay, that’s the, the bulk of our talk. We. This is our contact information and QR code should you want to reach out to either of us.

39:56
Becky Reback:
We are both here to support you in this process on either sides of the coin and would love to help you on your school placement journey. And we both, you know, can talk to you about how. What that looks like. But we also will. Can get to Q and A now.

40:14
Dr. Annie Josephson:
Yeah, we definitely have a lot of questions for you.

40:17
Becky Reback
A lot of questions. I’m going to scroll back up. That’s great. Engaged audience.

40:21
Dr. Annie Josephson:
We love it.

40:22
Becky Reback:
So happy. I don’t want to talk the whole time. Also, if you want to come off mute and ask your question, that’s totally fine too.

Audience Question: So I have a question. We are at a public preschool with no exmission support. Does that put us at a disadvantage when applying to private schools?

Becky Reback: I would say that the only disadvantage is that your preschool is not going to be able to advocate for you at the prospective schools. And there are nuances in filling out the recommendation and some of the school reports that are required in the kindergarten application process. Oftentimes they engage, you know, people that are coming from any. Sometimes there’s even private preschools that don’t provide exmission support.

41:11
Becky Reback:
So if you are in that case, they often do engage someone like me to help them with the advocacy and help the school, like talk to the school about how to fill out the report. So we’re painting our your child and your family in the best light. But it’s not like an immediate no because you’re at a public preschool. That is certainly not the case. It just there are other nuances that to be aware of in the process that you might want to engage, you know, someone like me to support view in that.

Next question was what about applying in an off year? Current school is private, so attrition years are kind of their own beast. It’s certainly possible. I actually had multiple clients get in attrition years. Attrition means it’s not an entry point.

41:58
Becky Reback:
So typically entry points are either pre K, kindergarten, often sixth grade and then ninth grade. So if you’re not applying one of those years, it’s an attrition year and it’s really based on if they have spots available in that current grade to consider an application. So you still go through the regular application season and process. Some schools say you submit your preliminary application and they say we’ll talk to you if there is a space available and they might not get back to you for a few months. And some schools bring you in, have you tour, have you interview, have your child interview, all of it. If in the event they do have a space, then they already know your child and your family and they can offer you an acceptance.

42:44
Becky Reback:
It really is school dependent and some schools are easier on attrition years than others. So you know, it’s. It sort of depends on your child and where you’re applying. Okay, we just finished the middle school private process. We were waitlisted for our top two out of Three and got into our sixth choice. What are the chances of the waitlist movement? Horace Mann, Trinity Fieldston. We can. Can we accept our sixth choice and reapply to our top choice for seventh grade? So wait lists do move. I would recommend reaching out to your schools that you’re interested in and ask. Ask sort of like if this is a courtesy wait list or if this actually has a chance of movement. If. Should there be spots that open up just so you can manage your own expectations? Annie, do you have any tips on that?

43:39
Dr. Annie Josephson:
Yeah, no, I think that’s a great. A great call to call the schools and find out and just be honest with them. We’re really excited about this wait list and we just want more information. But agree to manage expectations and to be. And also for your kids. You know, the idea of a 6 choice for kids feels really scary and like, oh, my goodness, we’re so far down and six choice could be first choice in two years. You might realize that this is the best school for your child and they’re thriving there. And so to really consider either yourself or with your partner, whoever is important in your child’s like, schooling, how we can align and share with our kid about this information and not trash talk schools or trash talk people that have gotten into schools or make them feel bad about it.

44:33
Dr. Annie Josephson:
Because at the end of the day, no one wants to feel bad going to a school, really. We want them to feel good about it so they’re able to take educational risks.

44:41
Becky Reback:
Yeah, absolutely. So I would definitely recommend reaching out. And then the second part of your question was, can we accept our sixth choice and reapply to your top choices? Certainly you can. I. If you don’t gain. If you don’t get off the wait list and gain acceptance, I would very kindly, politely, nicely, as nice as you possibly can be, after waitlists are close and all of that, you can reach out and say, we still really love the school. Like, can we reapply for next year, basically, and ask them, you know, if they would be willing to provide feedback. Was it just that it was a super competitive year or was there something they saw in your application that gave them pause? Some schools will say, yes, please reapply. We loved you. It just was a crazy year.

45:30
Becky Reback
And some schools will say, I’m sorry, like, you might want to think about something else. And sometimes you might say, you know what, we’re going to go to our this school for middle school and we’ll reapply for high school when we know who our kid is as a student and we can prepare a little bit differently at that point when they’re a little bit older. Caitlin. Oh, how can we start working on applications if they. Oh, we talked about that and Caitlin answered. Thanks, Caitlin. Yes, we can provide essay prompts. They often do remain the same. As Caitlin said, sometimes they change, but you’ve gotten the bulk of the thinking out of the way. So that would be great. But we. Yeah. So if you sign on and you’re a full placement client, we can support you with essay prompts prior to application time.

46:22
Becky Reback: Audience question:
I’d really like to gather data now for kindergarten process to get ahead. We’re waiting on three decision. Threes decision. Now, is that something you’d recommend to start the year before to start understanding the landscape?

Yes, yes, we do. If you are going to threes in the fall this time next year. So February 2027, you will actually want to build your school list while your child is in the threes so you can get on your spring tours and then you go through the application process when your child is in the fours, which is the fall of 2027. I think I have my years correct, so thank you. So listen, I’m here in February, a year before decisions are coming out for next year. I love an early planner, so I think it’s great.

47:16
Becky Reback:
The chances of your list changing that dramatically between this February and next February probably are relatively slim. And if this is what helps manage your anxiety, is really having a good understanding of the opportunities and the options out there, then I say definitely do it. I would maybe say like, because you are early, you can wait for your threes decision. So we have an understanding of what school your child’s going to be going to. And because that, you know, some schools are very play based and they. We do more academic prep depending on the schools you want to go to. Some are super academic and we do a lot of social emotional prep. It really depends. So you have just another two weeks until you get that decision. So I would maybe hold out until then, but if that’s going to.

48:01
Becky Reback:
What’s going to help you feel really prepared and less anxious for the process, I think start it now. Do you agree, Annie?

48:09
Dr. Annie Josephson:
Yeah, I mean, I think started now. My only thing would be to see how your child does in this first setting as you kind of described, just and see, you know, just the development of your kid. I agree they’re not going to change so drastically unless something of course happens in your life. But if you need to manage your anxiety and emotions about the process by starting it really early. Great.

48:36
Becky Reback:
Do it.

48:37
Dr. Annie Josephson:
I mean, we’re planners, obviously.

48:38
Becky Reback:
Here we are. Liz had to jump off, but I’ll answer her question because other people might have this question. She said, ‘I thought two parents were required for everything. Eighth grader.’

I mean, listen, it’s best if both of you can attend all the events. Yes, it is really great if that is the case, but sometimes things come up. Work comes up, a child is sick, A family member needs your attention. Extended family member. You’re burnt out. Whatever it is okay. If it’s not a major event like a tour or an interview that only one parent goes, it’s okay. That’s fine. Yes. Oh, thanks. Amy, you provided.

49:19
Dr. Annie Josephson:
Yeah, thank you.

49:20
Becky Reback:
We really appreciate that. That was the last of our questions. Unless anyone wants to come off mute or you have more you want to put in the chat, we’re happy to stick around. We still have a few minutes left. We were very efficient in our. In our talk. I can also go back to our contact information, so that way everyone has that. And there’s QR codes there for us, too. I’ll stick around. If anyone has questions or wants to just.

49:53
Dr. Annie Josephson:
Yeah, I will as well.

49:55
Becky Reback:
So otherwise you can have nine minutes back of your day. Thanks so much, everyone, for coming. I’m going to stop.

50:04 Dr. Annie Josephson:
Thank you.