Parents often wonder what schools are really looking for during the admissions process — and the answer goes far beyond academics. In this episode, Becky Reback is joined by Caitlin Hasson and Julia Calantone to walk families through what matters most from nursery school through high school admissions. Together, they explain how social-emotional readiness, independence, resilience, self-advocacy, authentic communication, and family alignment all play a vital role in helping students thrive throughout the admissions journey.
Listeners will discover practical, age-appropriate ways to build these skills at home, understand why genuine student ownership is so important as children grow older, and learn how parents themselves contribute to a school’s impression of a family. Whether preparing for preschool, private school, or high school admissions, this conversation offers thoughtful guidance that families can begin applying today.
In this episode:
- Why life skills often matter more than academic drills.
- How to build confidence, independence, and resilience at every age.
- Ways to help students develop authentic interview and communication skills.
- Why parents play a critical role in the admissions process.
- How consistent family messaging strengthens applications.
If you’re preparing for an educational transition, reach out at admin@evolveded.com to learn how personalized guidance can help your family navigate the admissions process with confidence.
Episode 91 Transcript
This transcript was exported on Jul 30, 2026 – view latest version here.
BE091 (Completed 07/30/26)
Mary Miele (00:03):
How do we make the transition back to school successful? How do we position our child for admissions
to a top choice school? How do we navigate private and public school admissions? My child was
diagnosed with a learning challenge or ADHD. How do we chart the strongest path forward? We need a
tutor, but what does highly effective tutoring look like? We need test preparation, but how do we
approach it strategically? Welcome to Be Evolved: Building Strategic Educational Paths. I’m Mary Neely,
founder of Evolved Education Company, and we’ve been doing this work for over 30 years. In every
episode, our excited team examines a question that our families are facing right now and gives you,
listener, a new way to think about it, informed guidance for making decisions and practical strategies you
can implement. From nursery all the way through college, we help families move from questions to
clarity, from strategy to action, and from vision to reality.
(01:05):
Let’s get started.
Becky Reback (01:11):
Hello, everyone, and welcome back to the Be Evolved Podcast. I’m Becky Rieback, the director of
assessment, school placement, and special education advisor. Today, we are going to do something a little
different on the podcast. Instead of just one kind of specific topic, we’re going to cover the whole arc from
nursery all the way up through high school and what actually matters in the admissions process, and
maybe more importantly, what you can actually do about your admissions process. And today I am joined
by my colleagues, Caitlin and Julia. Caitlin, I’ll let you introduce yourself first.
Caitlin Hasson (01:50):
Sure. Yeah. Hi everyone. I’m Caitlin. I’m the director of early childhood and elementary programs at
Evolved. I primarily work with families on school placement for our youngest learners, so I’ll be talking
about readiness for the application process at the earliest stages.
Julia Calantone (02:03):
And I’m Julia. I work with families applying their children to nursery school through 12th grade. I’ll be
speaking about how we prepare your children and young adults to show up as themselves in the process.
Becky Reback (02:15):
Great, thanks. I’m excited to be here with you guys. Today, here’s how we’re going to structure this. We’re
going to start young. So we’re going to start nursery kindergarten readiness, and then we will move into
what changes as kids get older. So that includes test prep, tutoring, teaching kids how to self-advocate.
And we will close on something that parents often don’t realize as part of the application process, but that
is you parents, and how you show up really matters. So let’s just jump right in. Caitlin, when parents come
to you, what do you think schools are looking for?
Caitlin Hasson (02:49):
I work with families with kids as young as two through kindergarten and elementary school. So obviously
there’s a huge range here. But when we’re talking about kindergarten specifically, almost every family
thinks about readiness in terms of academics. Can they write their name? Do they know their letters? Can
they count? Do they need to be fully reading is always a big question. And those things aren’t irrelevant
certainly, but they’re not the only thing that admissions directors are actually watching for in a admissions
visit.
This transcript was exported on Jul 30, 2026 – view latest version here.
Becky Reback (03:13):
Awesome. So what are they watching for?
Caitlin Hasson (03:16):
Beyond academic readiness, schools are definitely assessing a child’s social emotional skills. So things
like can the child separate from their parents? Can they join another child’s play instead of just sitting on
the side and observing or completely bulldozing in? When maybe something doesn’t go quite right, like a
tower might fall down, they might lose a game. Can they recover from that? Can they transition from a
more preferred activity to a non-preferred activity without a fight? Can they follow their own curiosity
and stay engaged with their learning full-time?
Julia Calantone (03:46):
I totally agree. There are so many also academic or pre-academic skills that schools assess through
playgroups like early literacy, numeracy, language, even content knowledge to see if they’re ready for the
school’s particular program. And that can vary based on the school. However, those other important skills
that you mentioned, like listening, following directions, collaborating with a peer, and showing resilience
like you shared, or even pausing and changing stations when a student doesn’t necessarily want to are
important, are all skills assessed during kindergarten and preschool playgroups.
Caitlin Hasson (04:23):
Right, exactly. Schools are assessing school readiness not only through an academic lens, but through a
social-emotional lens too. It’s not just can they perform during the activities that they’re doing, but it’s also
can they communicate, adapt, recover, connect with others? And those are muscles that predict how a
child might do in a classroom and in a community setting once they’re enrolled.
Becky Reback (04:43):
This is a really helpful reframe for parents who are panicking over flashcards.
(04:50):
And honestly, I’ll say on the middle and high school side, we’re still looking for the exact same muscles.
They just show up a little bit differently. So a ninth grader who can’t tolerate frustration in a math
problem or who can’t recover from a bad interview question answer is showing the same gap a four-yearold
shows when a tower falls. So there is a continuum and the skills show up the same. So parents that are
listening with older kids don’t tune this part out. The foundation is the same that we’re checking on for
later, just dressed up in bigger clothing.
Caitlin Hasson (05:28):
Right. And the good news is these are all things that families can practice at home. Just the same that you
might do flashcards or practice letters and sounds, you can start this well before an admissions visit. I
always give families a short list of things to do, nothing that requires intense practice or a workbook.
Becky Reback (05:43):
Okay, so this is really great. So can we give parents a few concrete examples of what they can work on at
home?
Caitlin Hasson (05:51):
Totally. So for parents with younger children, you can have your child order their own food at a
restaurant, give them little bits of independence that they can handle. Let them talk to a cashier instead of
doing it for them. Maybe practice playing a game where they might lose. I do this a lot of the time with
my five-year-old who’s getting ready to start kindergarten this fall. We practice losing, we practice what
might happen, how you feel, and how can you handle that appropriately and coach them through that
feeling. Maybe visit a brand new playground where they don’t necessarily know the other kids. Have
them pack their own backpack in the morning, which might take a little bit longer to get out the door, but
is a worthwhile be able to practice. Maybe have them help in the kitchen, practice something even if it’s
messy, which is something I’m still working on myself.
(06:34):
Practice introducing themselves to a child maybe they don’t know. That’s a skill I’m working on with my
freshly turned three-year-old. Maybe host a play date where you kind of step back, let them navigate
some of the social dynamics. And one thing that might require a little bit work on your end is let your
child solve a real family problem. So for example, we can’t find the dog’s leash. What could we do?
They’re just small little things, but it builds the exact muscles that admissions are looking for.
Julia Calantone (07:02):
Caitlin, I love that. Let them solve the real family problem. That’s great. And I love that they’re all things
that families are probably already doing. I know I am definitely doing them with my two girls. It’s just
about being really thoughtful and intentional with them.
Caitlin Hasson (07:17):
Yeah, that’s the goal. I mean, you don’t need a curriculum, you need consistency and a little bit of
stepping back. And I think reminding yourself to step back because it is so easy, especially in a busy
morning rush when you want to get out the door to do things for your kids, but let them try doing some of
those things themselves.
Becky Reback (07:32):
This has all been really good and helpful information. Caitlin, can you just give one takeaway for our
nursery and kindergarten families that are listening to walk away with?
Caitlin Hasson (07:42):
Yeah, I would say stop rehearsing letters and start rehearsing life skills. Give your child low stakes
chances to separate, struggle a little bit, and problem solve. And schools are really seeking kids who can
be independent in those ways.
Becky Reback (07:55):
Thank you so much. So shifting gears just a little bit into the child’s buy-in into this process as they get
older in the elementary, middle, and high school ages, our readiness conversation shifts. It’s less about
separation and play and more about whether the child is actually bought into the process, especially by
middle and high school. This isn’t happening to them. It’s something that they are a part of.
Julia Calantone (08:22):
Yes, and that shift is so important. A student who feels ownership is going to show up more curious,
honest, and I feel like that way you really see their personality come through too.
Becky Reback (08:34):
Julia, how do you think you build buy-in?
Julia Calantone (08:36):
Well, I think it starts by including the child in the process from the beginning. I think sometimes we feel
like as parents, we want to hold it, but it’s important to include, especially older children in the process
too. Family situations can differ so much in why they’re applying to schools. And we can definitely
include a child even as young as kindergarten, but definitely older in the process. It’s a natural step,
especially if it’s a natural step. If their school ends before kindergarten or middle school, share about this
next step. If you’re considering shifting from public to private or switching private schools, include the
why with your child. And I think that’ll support that buy-in. And why are we even considering a change?
Ask them that question. What does the student want more of in the school? Have a conversation with
them. I think this is a unique opportunity for them to tell you about what they’re interested in for their
future schooling.
(09:38):
I ask students applying to grade one and two all the way up through high school questions to get directly
at this. For example, what’s something you like about your current school? What do you wish your current
school had more of? A lot of their answers from these meetings will become threads that we try to pull
through their application.
Becky Reback (09:56):
And this is where test prep and tutoring come into the picture as well. So that’s often the first buy-in test
for a family. I see this constantly on the middle and high school side. Parents come to me wanting to line
up a tutor before they even talk to their kid about why they’re applying somewhere new in the first place. I
always push back on that order. You want to make sure that the student is aware of what’s happening.
And if a student doesn’t understand or believe in the why behind the move, the tutoring hours become a
fight instead of a tool and prep for the test. My first piece of advice to families is have the conversation
about purpose before you even book that first session.
Julia Calantone (10:43):
Yeah, that’s a great point. I definitely see that the tutoring relationship itself can make or break motivation
with students. If test prep feels like a punishment or something that they’re doing at the end of a really
busy day late at night, it can be really exhausting and kids can resist it. I think if it’s framed as building a
skill they get to own, they engage differently with it. I always try to also encourage families to keep the
session times realistic in length and frequency so it doesn’t become a source of resentment. If 45 minutes
is what is needed, that’s okay.
Becky Reback (11:26):
Absolutely. I totally agree with that. And on the middle and high school side, I’ll add one more thing.
Admissions committees can tell the difference between a heavily coached answer and the student’s actual
voice. So whether it’s in an essay or an interview, we want it to come from the student and sound like the
student. So when you’re working with the kids in essay development or interview prep, over scripting
often backfires, and I talk to clients about this all the time. No, we cannot write the child’s essay for them.
It has to be in their own voice. And it usually backfires on the testing side too. So a student who has been
drilled purely on tricks without understanding the underlying material plateaus really quickly in the prep
process. So I’d much rather see a family invest in a tutor who builds real skills over four to six months
than someone that is doing some last minute cramming a week before the test.
Julia Calantone (12:25):
Yeah, I definitely agree. By upper elementary school and definitely by middle and high school, a student
really needs to be able to speak for themselves and elaborate on their thoughts, not speaking from a script.
So be able to describe their own strengths organically, own their weakness with an example and why and
how they’re working on it, or even explain a choice they made and what they learned from it.
Becky Reback (12:53):
Julia, I know you do a lot of interview prep with a lot of our students here. Can you give me some ideas
of what that type of practice looks like at home?
Julia Calantone (13:04):
Yeah, there are so many natural ways to practice it at home. I think a lot of them when Caitlin was
sharing are similar in the older ages, just a little bit heightened. So let your child answer questions
directed at them, even in casual settings. At a doctor’s appointment, don’t speak for them. Let them order
for themselves at a restaurant. If there’s a grade that they feel like they could do better in school, let them
talk to the teacher on their own. Don’t do it for them. You can talk to them about prepping, but have them
take that ownership. And that could even be something that they end up using in the interview. And I
even practice some of these things with my four-year-old, and I think I’ve seen a big difference. So
definitely with the older kids, they can ramp it up. Some other practice common, but broad questions like
tell me yourself at home.
(13:58):
You can practice, but resist the urge as you shared to write a script. You can ask natural follow-up
questions instead of a script and let them find their own words. The more they practice, the more easily it
will come. And third, give them some low stakes practice, disagreeing respectfully or advocating for
something that they want. So again, asking a teacher for extra help, requesting a schedule change. Lots of
this practice will help in the interview, will help them talk to adults, will help them navigate uncertain
situations, and also in cases when students work together on a school visit.
Becky Reback (14:37):
Yeah. And their presentation, how they carry themselves really matters too. On the application side, selfadvocacy
shows up on paper as much as it does in a room. So when I’m working with a family on a
middle or high school application, I want the student’s own words in there as we talked about, their own
explanation of why they’re interested in a program, not some polished paragraph, like we said, that a
parent wrote for them or an advisor wrote for them. Admissions readers have seen thousands of these. So
something that might be slightly less eloquent, but genuinely student written is almost always reads better
and more compelling than some flawless adult written paragraph.
Julia Calantone (15:25):
Yes, definitely. The educators can spot this instantly. So it’s the same as a over-rehearsed answer in an
interview. An overwritten over-adulted line doesn’t let the student’s personality shine either, and adults
can sniff it out that have been working with kids for a long time. So what we’re really coaching are
interview skills like eye contact posture, tools for collaborating, building stories so that they can share and
questioning with curiosity. I’ll also add that a lot of schools will have their own essay when they go in. So
that essay, you want the student to match their ISCE essay. So it’s all about giving them the building
blocks to write a great essay, not doing it for them.
Becky Reback (16:15):
That’s such a good point. So while the essay on the IC or SSAT is not graded as a part of their score on
those standardized measures, it is used as a writing sample. So obviously, of course, they know that their
typed up paragraph for the admissions application is edited and polished a little bit more, but they’ll know
if it doesn’t sound like their voice. So it’s really important to really let your child do the work. So through
the line from nursery through high school, it’s actually really consistent. Give the child ownership and let
them practice discomfort in small and safe doses, and they will be successful if they’re able to do this long
before the stakes are high, like in the application or interview process.
Julia Calantone (17:05):
Definitely. It’s not something you can cram for the night before. It’s something that students learn and
practice through their independence and collaboration in everyday life.
Becky Reback (17:16):
100%. Thinking about this next part of the process is really the family profile and how the parents are
showing up in this process. And over time, this part of the application has really taken more and more
weight. And so we want to make sure that parents are ready to show up positively and productively in this
process. And I think parents really rarely expect that this is such an important piece, that the application
isn’t only an evaluation of the child. Schools are also evaluating the family and they want family fits.
What do you think, Caitlin?
Caitlin Hasson (17:59):
Right, I agree. I mean, I think this sometimes does surprise a lot of parents that think about it from the
school side. They’re not just admitting a student, but they’re building a community and parents are going
to be a permanent part of that community for potentially 13 years if you’re enrolling in kindergarten and
going to stay through 12th
Becky Reback (18:13):
Grade. 100%. So what do you think schools are actually picking up on when it comes to the parent?
Caitlin Hasson (18:18):
Yeah. A few things. I mean, I think number one, how do parents talk about their child? Do they describe
them accurately, warts and all potentially, or is it all superlatives with no self-awareness? How do parents
talk about their current school? Because maybe a family who might be transferring or something like that,
a family who is bitter or overly critical of their current school definitely raises some red flags about how
they’ll handle friction down the road at this potential new school. And finally, how do parents engage
during tours and interviews from something as small as how do they greet the front desk staff? Are they
polite? Are they curious? Are they respectful of the school’s process or are they trying to control it?
Becky Reback (18:57):
Yeah, that’s all such important points. And all of this holds true on the middle and high school side too.
And I’ll add a couple more things that I watch for when I’m working with families. First, whether parents
can talk about their child’s growth areas without getting defensive. Everybody has challenges. Everybody
has something that they’re working on. Schools want to know that you as the parent are going to partner
with them when something comes up sophomore year or junior year or whatever year it might be. And
not that you’re going to fight every single piece of feedback. Secondly, how parents and students describe
the why of the move relative to each other. So this is something we talk about a lot at Evolved, is that the
interview for the parent and the student, and then the essay for the parent and the essay for the student are
not standalone pieces of the puzzle.
(19:49):
They all fit together. And so we need to make sure that the messaging and the statements are somewhat
cohesive. So if a parent says that a student wants smaller classes, but the student in their own interview
says something completely different, that mismatch is a red flag for a committee. So before any tour or
interview season starts, I have the parents and students compare their notes on their reasons. And we’re
not getting or providing or working on a matching script by any means, but we do want to make sure that
they are on the same page.
Caitlin Hasson (20:24):
Yeah, it’s so important. And I think even at the early childhood level, I see the same thing when parents
might describe their child one way and their child shows up to the play visit in a completely different way
or what the teacher recommendation form says reflects something completely differently. So it’s really
important for parents to really get a handle on what the school is going to say about your child, both areas
of growth and areas of strength, and then make sure that everything is aligned so it’s a cohesive picture.
Becky Reback (20:54):
That school piece is really, really key. And I see this constantly for essay or forums where parents
describe their child. Specifically, those matter a lot. They matter enormously, honestly, as well. Generic
praise reads like you don’t know your child very well, but a specific story, a short anecdote reads as a
family that is genuinely reflective and involved in the child’s schooling.
Caitlin Hasson (21:22):
Completely. That’s so true for the younger years too. When I prep parents for their interviews or their
essays, I always ensure that they have some two to three real stories ready to share, not just saying she’s
so smart or she’s so curious because schools hear that all the time. But providing a moment that definitely
demonstrates it and helps your child come to life. It’s more interesting for the admissions committee to
read too when it’s phrased in that way.
Becky Reback (21:46):
And it’s more memorable for them. They’re likely to remember a short anecdote rather than just some
adjectives describing your child. Caitlin, what do you think are some concrete tips parents can walk away
with?
Caitlin Hasson (21:59):
Yeah, I can practice describing your child in one honest story or maybe start to build a repertoire of a
couple honest stories. I met with a family yesterday who they were so awesome. They came to our
meeting so prepared to write their essays because they had been keeping notes in their notes app on their
phone, just little things their kid had been saying over the past few months. So they had so much to work
with. But practice saying these stories out loud. If you have a partner or a spouse, make sure that you can
practice a little bit together to make sure that you both are able to speak during the conversation before
you’re ever even asked. If you can’t think of a story quickly, I think that’s worth sitting with and working
on a little bit.
Becky Reback (22:35):
I’ll also add that we coach families or parents to choose an anecdote that’s fairly recent within their last
month or so, not one from a year or two ago because they want to learn about who the child is today
rather than a year ago. And on my end, before any parent interview or tour, I’ll ask families to get aligned
with each other on how they talk about what they’re looking for in terms of making a change so it doesn’t
sound like a conflict or indecision when it comes up
Caitlin Hasson (23:09):
Yeah. And overall, I feel like schools aren’t looking for perfect parents or perfect kids. They know that
every kid has something that they’re working on, but what they’re looking for are parents who are selfaware.
So parents who can hold both what they love about their child and also what their child is still
working on and demonstrate how they’re supporting them through that I think is really essential for
schools to hear.
Becky Reback (23:29):
Absolutely. And that’s a great note to end this section on. The application isn’t a performance for either
the parent or the child. It’s really an opportunity to show a school an honest, specific picture of who your
family is. So let’s bring it all together. If you’re a parent listening to this with a child of any age, here’s
what we want you to walk away with. Caitlin, I’ll let you start with your nugget of information for parents
to walk
Caitlin Hasson (24:01):
Away. So for the youngest kids, going back to what we talked about before, stop necessarily drilling
academics and start practicing life skills. Separation, play, frustration, recovery. These small little daily
moments build the readiness skills that schools are looking for.
Becky Reback (24:19):
Julia?
Julia Calantone (24:20):
For elementary and high school, give your child real ownership of the process and real practice speaking
for themselves way before that first interview or playgroup is on the calendar.
Becky Reback (24:33):
Yes. And for every family at every stage, remember you’re a part of the application too. So knowing your
child’s story well enough to tell it specifically and know your own story well enough to tell it honestly.
Caitlin Hasson (24:48):
Right. And nothing that requires a workbook or a crash course or anything dramatic. It’s just small,
consistent moments starting now, whenever now is for your family.
Becky Reback (24:58):
Well, that will wrap us up. Thank you so much for joining us today on the Be Evolved podcast. And I
hope you walk away with some good information on the application process and the interview process
and the essay process. And we look forward to supporting your family and talking with you soon.
Mary Miele (25:19):
Thank you for listening to another episode of Be Evolved: Building Strategic Educational Paths. If you’re
navigating an important educational transition or wondering whether your child’s current educational
experience could be stronger, you do not have to determine the next step alone. Visit our site,
www.evolvededucationcompany.com to schedule a complimentary intake consultation. During this
confidential conversation, you can share your vision for your child. Explain what you’re working to
accomplish and tell us where you need greater clarity. We will recommend a strategy and explain how our
services can help put it into action. Follow Be Evolved for fresh thinking and practical strategies from
nursery through college. The right educational path begins with understanding each student and becomes
reality through strategy and implementation.